Julie's Quest

Hello, and welcome to my blog. My blog is about the trials and tribulations of writing, where we celebrate successes and commiserate our near misses. We tell it like it is here and will do our very best to help you on the road to being published and pick you up after the rejections (they will come!) Whether you are a professional or amateur writer you will find something useful here.

I hope you enjoy reading my posts and will visit again soon.

Happy Writing

Julie Phillips - freelance writer - member of the Association of Freelance Writers - member of the Society of Authors

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

I don't believe it!

What in the name of bloody hell is going on here? Honestly, there you are sitting in your own front room minding your own business, absolutely buggar all on the television, not that I'd have it on anyway with all the rubbish they try and pass off as entertainment and as for the license fee (daylight robbery) don't get me started on that. And what's all this Big Brother twaddle? Daft Buggar more like. Why can't these people get off their arses and get a proper job for a change? And she rises from her seat at the computer muttering about damn stupid editing processes, and something about never writing again, and waddles into the kitchen on the pretence of making me a cup of tea. Well I can tell you for a fact she'd in there stuffing her face with cake and biscuits - brain food, fuel for her creativity, that's what she calls it. Having no self control when it comes to sweet treats is what I call it. But she left the computer wide open and gave me this chance to blog -  the fool!

Then there's that wretched X Factor. Just what is the point in that? Scantily clad acrobats flinging each other willy nilly in the air. OAPS with no teeth slobbering their way through old war songs. So called 'singers' absolutely murdering so called 'songs' that are all the rage with the youngsters these days. Have they no shame or dignity? What's wrong with a bit of Val Doonican in his arm chair or Cliff Richard before his 80's disaster (we'll forgive him these crimes against the music industry.)

Humph. What happened to the cup of tea I ordered about ten hours ago. Honestly, you just can't get the staff. Away with the fairies that one. Pretends to be a writer but I know different. I saw her heading off to the lap dancing club in town the other night, all high heels and tassles. Research for her latest writing project she says it is.  Is that what they call it these days? Told me she had to supplement her non-income from writing somehow and times are hard. They must be hard if some poor mug is desperate enough to pay for and watch her 'dance' I tell you. Better have some whisky in that tea if it ever gets here.

Best keep this blog post between you, me and the lamppost too  - wouldn't want her to find out I've been telling you all her secrets. Mind you while she's away I think I'll fill you in on a few more home truths.  She farts like a trooper and tries to blame it on her own daughter - what kind of a mother is she? She told her daughter that the snaking, mini moto bike tracks on the beach on  a recent visit to Barmouth were the tracks of a giant sea serpent that ate naughty children, again - what kind of mother is she? Oh buggar. She's back. You'll have to wait. I'll be back. But if you don't hear from me in a couple of hours call the police - there's no telling what she might do if she finds out I'm  spilling the beans.

Until we meet again

The original Grumpy Old Man.


Teresa Ashby said...

Ah ha, so the beans have been spilled at last! Now we know what Julie really gets up to.
But she's right about cakes and biscuits being brain food - now stop being grumpy and go and get Julie some more cake - and have some yourself, it might cheer you up!

Julie P said...

It's always the quiet ones you have to watch, Teresa. I couldn't let it go on, her telling you she was a respectable writer! Such lies!

Actually, I think I will have a cake. A nice slice of victoria sandwich would go down well with my cup of tea - the one she still hasn't made me, tsk, tsk!


Debs said...

I hope you eventually got that cup of tea you were waiting for OGOM?

Thanks for such an amusing post and for spilling the beans.

Quillers said...

I was sure I'd left a comment earlier, so I don't know what's happened to it.

Yes, it's all coming out now, but really Grumpy Old Man, you just don't understand the fuel a writer needs to get the little grey cells going. Cake is as important to us as oxygen!

(Brilliant, Julie!)

newtowritinggirl said...

I'm sure you didn't mean to be, but you're so funny grumpy ;-)

Juliet Boyd said...

At last, someone of like mind on Big Brother and X Factor!

Old Kitty said...

Hello Grumpy Old Man (the original).

You should have your own blog really and truly! Then you can tell us the really juicy secrets!

With pictures!

I hope you get your cup of tea and cake.

Take care

Julie P said...

Oh she eventually got round to getting me that cup of tea, Debs. But only after I threatened to post evidence of her pole dancing on You Tube. (She still doesn't know I've blogged most of her secrets.) And believe me you don't know the half of it!


Julie P said...

But it's the amount of cake she eats, Quillers! She should be as famous and prolific writer as JK Rowling by now the amount og writing brain fuel she's consumed!

I don't know what happened to your earlier comment. I had one earlier that I pressed the publish button on but it never came up - mind you I hadn't got my monacle on so anything could have happened!



Julie P said...

Thank you, New To Writing Girl! But I don't think Her Ladyship will find it so funny when she finds out. Maybe all that farting is a by product of all the cake eating - I don't know. But I've had dogs that don't leave as bad a smell as she does. Sometimes it's all I can do to gasp for breath, I tell you! Don't ever get down wind of her.


Julie P said...

Ah, Juliet. A woman after my own heart. I just don't get the attraction to these so-called 'entertainment' shows.In my day we made our own entertainment. What I couldn't do with a ukelele and a triangle is no one's business! I played Lead Triangle in the school orchestra you know.


Julie P said...

Hello,Old Kitty!

Do you think she'd let me borrow her computer for my own blog? I think not. She's so mean to me you know. When all I do is help her to find the real her (a champion farting,continually moaning,tassle twirling trollop!) Maybe I can get rid of her by getting her to audition for Britain's Got Talent. I'd like to see that Piers chap take her on! Hey, maybe that's not such a bad idea. I'd have plenty of time to blog then - and there would be pictures!

Back to my cuppa and cake while a hatch the master plan.
Julie xx

klahanie said...

Hi Julie,
Gee, this writing reminds a lot of the kind of stuff I have been doing lately. In fact, it seems like you have a bit of a 'Ghost Blogger' on here and don't get me farted, I mean started on 'Big Blogger', I mean 'Big Bother', I mean 'Big Brother'. 'Some of the house mates are in the kitchen'. Gosh and wow!
With respect and confusion, Gary x

Ellie said...

Hi, Grumpy Old Man. I think you should get together with my GOM. You have a lot in common!

Sue Houghton said...

What? I thought this was normal behaviour for a writer?

Julie P said...

Hi, Gary!

I think we all like a good old rant/moan about the things in life that irk us don't we. I find I can let off steam quite effectively by spilling the beans on She Who Thinks She Can Write!


Julie P said...

Hi, Ellie

Yes there are a lot of us about! I think it's catching - mind you there is so much out there to moan about it.


Julie P said...

There's nothing 'normal' about a writer's behaviour, Sue! - well certainly not She Who Thinks She Can Write's behaviour anyway!

Back to the cake I think!

Julie xx

womagwriter said...

LOL! I find the cats handy to blame farts on.

Julie P said...

Oh yes, Womagwriter, the cats do seem to take the blame for a lot of things round here too. She Who Thinks She Can Write does cast a glance at the cats when she's you know what - as if I don't know the real culprit!


Suzanne Jones said...

Fabulous post OGOM.


Jarmara Falconer said...

What a great posting made me LOL!

Just what I needed.

Doctor FTSE said...

The comment about Val Doonican brings to mind the following groan joke.
"Before this friendship can go any further, I have to tell you something about myself that might completely change your view of me. I have a criminal record."
"Oh! Ah! I see . . what . . ?"
"Yes. It's Val Doonican singing 'Paddy McGinty's Goat'"

Keep the words comning, Julie, and best wishes.

Julie P said...

Thanks, Suzanne - now you are a real writer. Not like She Who Thinks She Can Write at all. Can I come and be your OGOM instead?


Julie P said...

Thank You Jarmara

Glad to have made you giggle at the expense of She Who Thinks She Can Write. I tell you - there's much more to tell yet!


Julie P said...


Criminal record - tee hee!
She Wo Thinks She Can Write used to watch Val Doonican as a wee girl which probably explains everything!